I've been messaging one of my friends back and forth for a couple of weeks. He's been asking me some tough questions lately, questions that I haven't wanted to face myself or even put into finite words that could be answered instead of a form of abstract words, ideas and colors that I previously have had them floating around in my mind. It's good. It's a blessing in fact because I have to get back and answer him at some point which is causing me to face these questions.
This friendship and other friendships like this one are ones that I treasure. Friendships that encourage, challenge, and enlighten me are wonderful. God's definitely blessed me with some amazing friends and family. That is one of the things I'm most thankful for this season.
I didn't really mean to write a Thanksgiving-esque post, but it's the truth. Plus, it gave me more time to dwell on the questions at hand, which I will answer later. It's difficult as Charlie Brown once said, “In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.”
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Why.
I enjoy writing, I do. That was originally why I got a blog. However, it has turned into something so much more beautiful in my life than just chronicalling what's going on with me or inside my head. I don't just blog, I read several (probably too many) blogs.
I've gotten the question of why I "waste" my time doing so. It's not a waste at all for me. I read a pretty good variety of topics from breakfast foods to urban pranks. Some of my favorite blogs are the ones that catch my attention as they stare into my heart and lay something in front of me that I'm dealing with or have continually dealt with in my life. This happened yesterday.
I'm not going to comment on it. I'm pretty sure it's a topic that everyone can relate to: forgiveness. However, after the quote I am going to quote a majority of what Pete Wilson had to say about it because I believe in what he said and think it would be wrong not to share that with you.
This is an excerpt that Pete posted the following excerpt from Deadly Viper by Mike Foster and Jud Wilhite:
"We made a pact with each other to be people who are fast to forgive. So much of our emotional volatility comes from relationship gone wrong. In the last couple of years, both of us have dealt with severe betrayal by trusted friends and partners. We were deceived and lied to by these individuals and their actions were reprehensible…
You see, when you don’t forgive someone, you let them park in your life forever. These people are like parasites that can suck the life right out of you and allow bitterness to rot you out. If you let these people and their actions haunt your thoughts, emotions,
and spirit, you allow them to continually damage not only you but those around you, too." - Deadly Viper
"I’m not going to pretend like forgiveness is always easy because we all know it isn’t. Some of you have been hurt in ways I can’t imagine. Someone wounded you, or betrayed you or lied to you or maybe cheated you. You’re afraid if you let go of the hurt, they get away with something. And you’re right, to forgive you will pay a high cost. In fact the only thing that will cost you more than forgiveness is not forgiving someone.
I know you want to see them hurt back but that desire is a weight or burden that actually becomes a part of you. You’ll carry that weight from relationship to relationship from season to season and if you carry that bitterness and anger around long enough it will choke the joy out of your life. It will cost you your heart. So be fast to forgive." - Pete Wilson
I've gotten the question of why I "waste" my time doing so. It's not a waste at all for me. I read a pretty good variety of topics from breakfast foods to urban pranks. Some of my favorite blogs are the ones that catch my attention as they stare into my heart and lay something in front of me that I'm dealing with or have continually dealt with in my life. This happened yesterday.
I'm not going to comment on it. I'm pretty sure it's a topic that everyone can relate to: forgiveness. However, after the quote I am going to quote a majority of what Pete Wilson had to say about it because I believe in what he said and think it would be wrong not to share that with you.
This is an excerpt that Pete posted the following excerpt from Deadly Viper by Mike Foster and Jud Wilhite:
"We made a pact with each other to be people who are fast to forgive. So much of our emotional volatility comes from relationship gone wrong. In the last couple of years, both of us have dealt with severe betrayal by trusted friends and partners. We were deceived and lied to by these individuals and their actions were reprehensible…
You see, when you don’t forgive someone, you let them park in your life forever. These people are like parasites that can suck the life right out of you and allow bitterness to rot you out. If you let these people and their actions haunt your thoughts, emotions,
and spirit, you allow them to continually damage not only you but those around you, too." - Deadly Viper
"I’m not going to pretend like forgiveness is always easy because we all know it isn’t. Some of you have been hurt in ways I can’t imagine. Someone wounded you, or betrayed you or lied to you or maybe cheated you. You’re afraid if you let go of the hurt, they get away with something. And you’re right, to forgive you will pay a high cost. In fact the only thing that will cost you more than forgiveness is not forgiving someone.
I know you want to see them hurt back but that desire is a weight or burden that actually becomes a part of you. You’ll carry that weight from relationship to relationship from season to season and if you carry that bitterness and anger around long enough it will choke the joy out of your life. It will cost you your heart. So be fast to forgive." - Pete Wilson
Monday, November 9, 2009
I'm Quitting College and Becoming a Trucker.
I've gone on four road trips in the last 10 days. That number is quite ridiculous, but way worth it. I went to Houston twice, Austin and Brenham. I got to see my family, UTXA and old high school friends, Jeremiah's family and our crew of friends for Halloween and the Williamsons. It was a glorious 10 days even though it was mingled with some crazy school.
One of my favorite things is just being on a road trip in general. Anyone can be in the car with me or no one at all. It's just amazing to watch the open road and have all that time for thoughts to mix and mingle in your mind as music is blasting, the sound of the tires hitting the road travel to your ears or a sermon is slicing through your heart with convictions and praises. Being on the road is one of my favorite things.
I've noticed a few things about my trips. I definitely have a preferred time frame in the day to hit the road. I am enjoying the fall season with the light that radiates from the sun. It casts such a beautiful light that hits the leaves as they have begun to transform from their ordinary shades of green to vibrant hues of reds, oranges and my favorite, gold. It's fabulous and captivates me every time I see it. That is very characteristic of my morning drives. In the evenings, I enjoy driving away from the sunset so when I glance at the car behind me in my rearview mirror, I see a variety of colors dancing across the sky as they flutter down beyond the horizon. Beautiful.
I've definitely pondered becoming a truck driver more than once in my life. They do have the best coffee, but more than that, there's something special about road trips. Something distinct about them that cause friendships to grow and thoughts to be layed on our hearts by our Lord.
In a podcast that I listened to on the way home from CS this summer, Ben Stuart talked about road trips and how Jesus took them with his disciples. I'm hoping to relisten to it this weekend on yet another roadtrip. (If I can figure out a safe way to take notes and drive, I'll try to post some notes on here when I get back. I'm just not sure how safe that really is...)
God really used my last roadtrip to Houston to speak to my heart about something specific. I'm not ready to share about it yet although I have a feeling that if God has a say (which He does!) it will be a for sure plan.
One of my favorite things is just being on a road trip in general. Anyone can be in the car with me or no one at all. It's just amazing to watch the open road and have all that time for thoughts to mix and mingle in your mind as music is blasting, the sound of the tires hitting the road travel to your ears or a sermon is slicing through your heart with convictions and praises. Being on the road is one of my favorite things.
I've noticed a few things about my trips. I definitely have a preferred time frame in the day to hit the road. I am enjoying the fall season with the light that radiates from the sun. It casts such a beautiful light that hits the leaves as they have begun to transform from their ordinary shades of green to vibrant hues of reds, oranges and my favorite, gold. It's fabulous and captivates me every time I see it. That is very characteristic of my morning drives. In the evenings, I enjoy driving away from the sunset so when I glance at the car behind me in my rearview mirror, I see a variety of colors dancing across the sky as they flutter down beyond the horizon. Beautiful.
I've definitely pondered becoming a truck driver more than once in my life. They do have the best coffee, but more than that, there's something special about road trips. Something distinct about them that cause friendships to grow and thoughts to be layed on our hearts by our Lord.
In a podcast that I listened to on the way home from CS this summer, Ben Stuart talked about road trips and how Jesus took them with his disciples. I'm hoping to relisten to it this weekend on yet another roadtrip. (If I can figure out a safe way to take notes and drive, I'll try to post some notes on here when I get back. I'm just not sure how safe that really is...)
God really used my last roadtrip to Houston to speak to my heart about something specific. I'm not ready to share about it yet although I have a feeling that if God has a say (which He does!) it will be a for sure plan.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Cohesion
I don't always feel like there's cohesion within the thoughts running through my mind. I don't really want to sort through the jumble, but I want to place some of them here.
I've had some thoughts on the outskirts of my mind lately. Thoughts about those on the outskirts of society - the unnoticed, unloved, unworthy of our time. These are all words that are not saturated with truth but with lies. We talked about this at youth on Sunday. Some guy twittered about it a little while ago. I just read a blog about this. I'm going to share the blog with you: Some people always gotta swim upstream. There's a longer, deep blog about this that will be coming up, possibly later this week, month or year. It's been a long time in the coming, but it's a touchy subject but one that needs to be addressed.
Through a blog that I've already forgotten, I came to meet Matt Papa and his musical stylings. I want this cd. I love the cover and I love the music that I've heard from it. It's good stuff. (On the note of cds I want: the newest Jared Anderson and the newest Relient K are high on my list of wants. Santa Claus?)
Clyde met the family this weekend. It was good. He's a great dog and we're a great family, with our powers combined we may not be Captain Planet, but we're something like that. I'm really excited to see our lives with Clyde unfold.
I've had some thoughts on the outskirts of my mind lately. Thoughts about those on the outskirts of society - the unnoticed, unloved, unworthy of our time. These are all words that are not saturated with truth but with lies. We talked about this at youth on Sunday. Some guy twittered about it a little while ago. I just read a blog about this. I'm going to share the blog with you: Some people always gotta swim upstream. There's a longer, deep blog about this that will be coming up, possibly later this week, month or year. It's been a long time in the coming, but it's a touchy subject but one that needs to be addressed.
Through a blog that I've already forgotten, I came to meet Matt Papa and his musical stylings. I want this cd. I love the cover and I love the music that I've heard from it. It's good stuff. (On the note of cds I want: the newest Jared Anderson and the newest Relient K are high on my list of wants. Santa Claus?)
Clyde met the family this weekend. It was good. He's a great dog and we're a great family, with our powers combined we may not be Captain Planet, but we're something like that. I'm really excited to see our lives with Clyde unfold.
Friday, October 23, 2009
God's Loves For Me Is Ridiculous.
I'm really frustrated with things continuing to not go my way. I'm not getting any kind of slack. Oh well. I had a beautiful reminder on my way to school this morning before I was going to give a presentation. This presentation could have definitely been prepared a bit more in advance. Finishing 40 minutes before giving it is almost like not procrastinating, right? It's all good. The radio deejay for KSBJ read my lifeverse of this season over the radio during my drive this morning:
Have I not commanded you?
Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,
for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9
Yes, I'm aware that was pretty much my last blog, but even days later I fail to obey. I fail to give everything to him in every moment.
Speaking of that, my semester is possibly getting more ridiculous by the minute. I finally was able to get Clyde today. He's curled up on the couch with me right now as I write this. (He's a cuddler! Yay!) We were going to head to Houston when my car had a window meltdown over a fly. It'll be taken to the shop tomorrow by one of my darling roommates as another friend of mine takes me to Houston to meet with my parents. The Lord has blessed me with beautiful friendships and family ties no matter how frustrating my situations get.
This leaves me with many options tonight:
1. Possibly finding more room on this couch. When Clyde and I sat down here, I believe I had more room. Since then, he's seemed to conquer a bit of my space. This probably won't be enacted because well, he's cute.
2. Reading Italian. I must have printed out 2356272547 sheets of paper for that class today. That option sounds quite disgusting. I could read Pinocchio for that class though.
3. Watch a movie for INTS, because that's the one "study" thing that wouldn't be easy to do with other people like my family. Oh, wait. Nevermind.
4. Blog. Wait, Check?
5. Read my blogroll, check facebook and delight in what the Lord has led me to. Share these findings with my friends:
The ex-ASC president, Blaire, has a beautiful blog chronicalling her life. One of the things that drove us together in friendship during our sig was how we both have siblings with down syndrome. Her blog today made me cry, she has such a beautiful brother.
There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a brother or sister coming to Christ. Today, I've gotten wind of that for two different new sisters of mine. I don't know either one of them, but I'm excited for them. Here's one of the girls' stories, Christianne.
Off to study... but really.
Have I not commanded you?
Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,
for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9
Yes, I'm aware that was pretty much my last blog, but even days later I fail to obey. I fail to give everything to him in every moment.
Speaking of that, my semester is possibly getting more ridiculous by the minute. I finally was able to get Clyde today. He's curled up on the couch with me right now as I write this. (He's a cuddler! Yay!) We were going to head to Houston when my car had a window meltdown over a fly. It'll be taken to the shop tomorrow by one of my darling roommates as another friend of mine takes me to Houston to meet with my parents. The Lord has blessed me with beautiful friendships and family ties no matter how frustrating my situations get.
This leaves me with many options tonight:
1. Possibly finding more room on this couch. When Clyde and I sat down here, I believe I had more room. Since then, he's seemed to conquer a bit of my space. This probably won't be enacted because well, he's cute.
2. Reading Italian. I must have printed out 2356272547 sheets of paper for that class today. That option sounds quite disgusting. I could read Pinocchio for that class though.
3. Watch a movie for INTS, because that's the one "study" thing that wouldn't be easy to do with other people like my family. Oh, wait. Nevermind.
4. Blog. Wait, Check?
5. Read my blogroll, check facebook and delight in what the Lord has led me to. Share these findings with my friends:
The ex-ASC president, Blaire, has a beautiful blog chronicalling her life. One of the things that drove us together in friendship during our sig was how we both have siblings with down syndrome. Her blog today made me cry, she has such a beautiful brother.
There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a brother or sister coming to Christ. Today, I've gotten wind of that for two different new sisters of mine. I don't know either one of them, but I'm excited for them. Here's one of the girls' stories, Christianne.
Off to study... but really.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Comfort
I feel like everything is falling apart.
I feel like a failure at school.
I feel like my friendships are shattering.
I feel like I'm more exhausted than I ever have been.
I feel like I can't prevail.
I feel like I can't stop the tears.
I feel like giving up.
I feel like I have comfort in the Lord. Because I do.
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you?
Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,
for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
I feel like a failure at school.
I feel like my friendships are shattering.
I feel like I'm more exhausted than I ever have been.
I feel like I can't prevail.
I feel like I can't stop the tears.
I feel like giving up.
I feel like I have comfort in the Lord. Because I do.
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you?
Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,
for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I Want To Play
Someone asked me what excited me the other night, what I wake up in the mornings and desire to do. I've got a few answers to that question, one of them is simpler than the rest though: I want to play.
It's very rare that I get to build a carboard or blanket fort these days. It's not always "appropriate" for me to wear a Batman costume and pretend my car is the Batmobile. I can't even tell you the last time I got incredibly muddy because it was raining and I thought it would be a good idea to roll around in the backyard.
Children are the ones who get to play. Well, I'm going to get to play soon, even if it will be through the eyes of a little boy named Max on the big screen, I'd like to think of it as an opportunity to place myself inside of the wolf costume he will wear.
If you are unaware of what I am referring to, Spike Jonze and Maurice Sendak have collaborated the childrens' storybook, Where The Wild Things Are into a motion picture film that comes out tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'm going to go see it tomorrow, but I can definitely say I am very excited about it and the glimpse back into childhood that it seems to be.
If this doesn't play, click here to view the trailer.
I've never really studied a popular culture film or book that's come out. I mean, I studied Peter Pan, but that came out in 1918 and 1927 I believe. If those are the correct dates, I'd be rather surprised I remember that from my Fantasy Literature class fall semester freshman year. For some reason though, Where the Wild Things Are has captured my attention in a way that I've been somewhat studying it. I can't tell you how many times I've watched the trailer, or listened to the soundtrack previews, but I can tell you I have yet to attend either of the two Maurice Sendak exhibits at the Rosenbach Museum in Philadelphia. It might be because I'm not in Philadelphia, but I can't 100% deny the fact that I might go if I was in Philly. I have read a few articles on the film, such as a Spike Jonze biography in the New York Times and an article containing 7 reasons to see it by some film critics. Spike Jonze's photography skill and innovations is a driving force in my desire to see this film.
I can't wait to go watch Max play and explore his world.
If only I could go play...
It's very rare that I get to build a carboard or blanket fort these days. It's not always "appropriate" for me to wear a Batman costume and pretend my car is the Batmobile. I can't even tell you the last time I got incredibly muddy because it was raining and I thought it would be a good idea to roll around in the backyard.
Children are the ones who get to play. Well, I'm going to get to play soon, even if it will be through the eyes of a little boy named Max on the big screen, I'd like to think of it as an opportunity to place myself inside of the wolf costume he will wear.
If you are unaware of what I am referring to, Spike Jonze and Maurice Sendak have collaborated the childrens' storybook, Where The Wild Things Are into a motion picture film that comes out tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'm going to go see it tomorrow, but I can definitely say I am very excited about it and the glimpse back into childhood that it seems to be.
If this doesn't play, click here to view the trailer.
I've never really studied a popular culture film or book that's come out. I mean, I studied Peter Pan, but that came out in 1918 and 1927 I believe. If those are the correct dates, I'd be rather surprised I remember that from my Fantasy Literature class fall semester freshman year. For some reason though, Where the Wild Things Are has captured my attention in a way that I've been somewhat studying it. I can't tell you how many times I've watched the trailer, or listened to the soundtrack previews, but I can tell you I have yet to attend either of the two Maurice Sendak exhibits at the Rosenbach Museum in Philadelphia. It might be because I'm not in Philadelphia, but I can't 100% deny the fact that I might go if I was in Philly. I have read a few articles on the film, such as a Spike Jonze biography in the New York Times and an article containing 7 reasons to see it by some film critics. Spike Jonze's photography skill and innovations is a driving force in my desire to see this film.
I can't wait to go watch Max play and explore his world.
If only I could go play...
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