A Little Breathing Room

A new friend of mine from the Start Experiment and I've been messaging back and forth. The other night she sent me these words of wisdom: "Give yourself a little breathing room - you've got a lot going on IRL". (IRL means 'in real life') This is in response to trying to get my new site up and having everything ready by Monday. It's Tuesday and I'm not ready to introduce it yet (although a few of you have already found your way over there).

This is an old photo from my Project 365 that I did awhile back which perfectly describes how I'm feeling today - stressed and rushed. I'm going to listen to that friends' advice because I do have a lot going on in real life. I'm working through some major changes which will shake up where I'm living, my friends group, my daily eating habits, my morning routine, my career, and pretty much everything else tied into all of that. In addtion to that, my Dad's been sick and I've been helping out with my sister which cuts down a bit of my hustling and dream time.

Right now though, there's not a deadline. There is no finite date. Jon Acuff won't be mad at me and say I'm never allowed to read any of his blogs ever again because I wasn't able to get my new site up how I wanted to by yesterday. That's just ridiculous. He has different things he should worry about. There's a deadline for some of the other things going on in my life which I really need to figure out.  The whole situation is overwhelming like a nightmare of ending up in a Calculus Test unprepared.

The reality is that sometimes, real life gets in our way and we have to attend to some other things first. It's easy to focus on the one thing that we feel like we can control in a time like this. For me currently, it's the layout of my new site. There are other things that I am desperately not in control of in any way. Those things I definitely can't change because I'm not in control, but I am in charge of how I react to this situation.

How am I going to react? I'm going to react by deciding to act on the things which most need to take precedence. I've got things I need to take care of. I've got things that I wish had already been taken care of. What can I do now? I can stop feeling rushed about things that don't really need to take place now and focus on things that need to be taken care of more immediately. It's time to focus on dealing with the real life stuff rather than a layout because at the end of the day, this real life stuff matters a whole lot more than the layout of a blog.

What do you need to stop focusing on? What do you really need to take care of this week?

Side Effect Is Death.

I have gotten four shots within the 48 hours earlier this week. I can't tell you I braved it like a true soldier. I can tell you there was no tears and much to my dismay no lollipops to ease the pain.

The shots weren't the most painful part though, although my arms still hurt and every now and then a sharp shooting pain finds it way into my lower right forearm and my left shoulder. No, this is not what has left a painful mark on me. It was something my mother said. She didn't mean it to be painful, but it was. Why? Because it held a truth that I needed to hear.

She was talking to my doctor and she told him that I wasn't very patient. I don't know what she was talking about. Me, impatient? 110%, yes. Certainly I am impatient. I want things to go my way, on my timing. When they don't, I get a little frustrated. I get a little impatient.

Jonathan Mountainstreams of Stuff Christians Like wrote a blogpost that resonated this idea for his serious Wednesday post. It focuses on how he wants things to move fast and how Jesus might have the steering wheel puttering along on the feeder road, but he's crushing Jesus' sandaled feet under his as he hits the gas pedal hoping Jesus will accidentally swerve onto the 70mph highway. This is how I feel!

Right now, I should be on the road to Houston. I should have my car loaded with an array of clothing that stretch from work clothes to Sunday morning attire, winter jackets and shorts for sitting out by the pool. (This will make sense shortly, but that day isn't today.) I should be thinking about buying a cheap computer already having printed out millions of sheets of paper so that I can do my online summer class reading from anywhere. (And I mean anywhere!)

So where am I? I'm sitting in Langford, the architecture department at Texas A&M reading about patience. About how sometimes, Jesus wants to just putter along with us in the car instead of driving off like a maniac. My sweet roommate, Zara, just got up here to try and help me out with everything. Hopefully we can figure out this whole printing mess and I can be on my way... to begin packing.

One of the side effects of one of the shots I got was death. That may be a side effect of the shot, but the likelihood of that happening wasn't very high on the sheet if I remember correctly. However, the likelihood of my impatience killing me seems to be much higher. Because when I'm impatient, I'm wrapped up in myself. I'm not paying attention to what's going on around me, or who is around me and what they are struggling with. Worse of all, I'm not trusting that Jesus really is fully in control. It's definitely time to fully be sitting in the passenger seat and not crushing Jesus' foot down on the gas pedal.

He knows what He's doing and doesn't need my help whether I like it or not.